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Finally I am enjoying a beer, beer #1 of this weekend after a long week (weeks?), of work. I’m just chilling listening to Sergio Mendes “Lamento” que e uma delicia. My friend Mariela is coming down from NYC for a break from her job as a manager of a restaurant in Times Square mind you, and I can’t wait to see her!

I’ve got the IPOD on shuffle and one of my favorite songs just came on, “The Mando Flores” by Fonseca. [dancing in my seat, staring at the screen, chatting with neighbor]. Now it’s “La Camisa Negra” by Juanes. I’m getting motivated to go out, but it’s too early. Originally I wanted to do Happy Hour today but I’m being lazy. My brain is shutting off and I’m going into “blonde” mode.

Gotta go..

Yesssss!

B+D’s Pieces of Me: “Yesss” is a reference to the movie Napoleaon Dynamite, as well as “Gaud” though Napoleon says, “Gosh”. Other favorite phrases are “Eat your Ham” and sometimes it’s followed by “You Stupid Lama”, however Matt and I use “Fatty” afterwards a lot more.

I had gone out to Waxy’s Thursday night after I came home wired from work. I convinced one of my neighbors Mike to go out for some games of pool and cold beers. There’s nothing I love more than a chill night with some friends bullshitting, drinking and being merry. Pool seals the deal for me. I’m decent at it, but I dig that new table, clean felt, and new Qs. Oh and they always have chalk which is a high commodity around here. The table was already laid out for the next game. Perfectly racked pool balls, and two Qs crossing each other laying on the table. It was picture perfect. I got pumped. Went to bar and ordered the usual, a Sammy, toasted, walked over and asked if Mike and I could play whoever was on the table. As usual I didn’t do so well on the first game (to me, it’s a warm up), but Mike impressed me with his skills. He was being modest earlier. We played two games and ended up in a tie. And I was feeling those beers, ate something, and we headed home. Next day I woke up feeling groggy, fuzzy-headed and I hate that. Needless to say I was late for work.

Worked until 10 and on my way home, I get a text msg from Jules saying she is dying to go out dancing, I agreed. I came home and poured myself a Kettle One Citroen and Pine. Then I poured another, and a third as I was chatting with my neighbor Lisa about men and relationships. Yes very cliche but it’s true. She is older than me which is refreshing and I can learn from her as we are a lot alike. We were discussing the differences in dating younger vs. older men. We came up with two conclusions: 1) It’s not the age that matters when it comes to a person’s mind and way of thinking. It’s his ability to be open minded, interested, kind and thoughtful to a woman who is his partner. Not be arrogant, inconsiderate and machista. 2) The age thing only comes into play regarding physical attraction. A guy can be a total loser in his 20s as well as his 40s. But it’s how they look and what visual and olfactory qualities they possess that makes your body fervent with ardor that tells a woman whether she would consider you at all. We may want to fuck you, but by not having #1 you’ll never be more than a booty call, and only if you impress us the first time. Note to guys: going down on us before intercourse will ensure your girl is hot, wet, and happy, thus more likely that she will become a lioness between the sheets.

Jules arrived and I hadn’t even showered, but it usually takes me 20 minutes to get ready, that is if I’m not already buzzed. We caught up on our lives as I got ready and we headed out. Here’s one thing I hate. I hate being all dressed up, in high heels, and having to walk. I want a damn cab. But it’s nearly impossible to find one at 1AM on Meridian Ave. We started to walk towards 5th and these two guys in motorcycles were passing by, and I saw my chance to getting to the club. “Can you give us a ride?” I yelled. Cmon, what two guys are not going to give two hot girls a ride and look cool on their bikes? I knew we were golden. And they were cute. Score! We hopped on and they drove us to Love/Hate. Thanks guys. We went straight to the bar and ordered two shots of chilled Patron. Ahh that was yummy. Jules looked at me and said, “Another?” I never say No to Tequila unless I’m really shit-faced, and I wasn’t quite there yet. She and I danced for hours, non-stop, flirting with some boys, and some girls (I think this place has become a local hangout for lesbians which is cool by me).

Today I woke up with sore quads and feeling like crap. Every time I drink too much I swear to myself that I won’t do it again. Yeah right. But I needed to run some errands so after a couple of hours I motivated, got on my bike, and headed to Alton. Return movie check. Contacts exchange check. Emergency car kit purchase check. I needed a pedi, since I hadn’t had one since my trip to NY, so I decided I’d try one more place. I walked into what I originally thought was some bullshitt salon, but to my surprise Blush Nail Lounge felt very comfortable, homey, and sterile. The walls are draped in curtains giving it a soft and welcoming feeling to otherwise cold white walls. They offered me something to drink which is nice. And there was one Asian woman who turned out to be the owner. Do you know how happy I am right now? I grab a gossip mag, sit down in one of the big and comfy pedicure chairs, put my feet in the warm water and enjoy the jet massage on my feet while I turn on the vibrating chair and choose my settings. Full back massage with kneading. I’m in heaven. I like this place. I really needed this. Hey, when you don’t have a bf you need to get creative in ways of getting a massages and orgasms.

*** someone emailed me asking about life in south beach. here’s truly how I feel. it’s basic, to the point, and honest..it’s me ****

Hi — Sorry about the late response..been working crazy hours.

You sounds EXACTLY like I was when considering my move down here. I’m Brazilian, grew up in Rio, but lived in CT/NY for 17 years. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I realized that it wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. I thought, why only “live” for 3 months out of the year? Why not “live” 12 months out of the year?. I had an amazing life in NYC. I made some amazing friends and we will forever be close, I had a kick ass career on Wall St making a ton of money even by NYC standards, but I wasn’t entirely happy. “Life” was missing. Being outdoors, heck living outdoors, is amazing. I can’t quite put into words. I hope I can only make [it] read the way I feel about this place. Yeah a lot of ppl bitch and complain but if it’s not their deal, why not leave? It’s a lot of complaining without realizing what they have [in comparison to other cities].

You’re in your prime age. It’s a great age where you’ve lived enough to know that you need something different, and we’re young enough to be able to take risks without it affecting significant others such as husbands or children. This is your time to live your life. You’ll have a great time down here. Make no mistake, it IS like living in a foreign country, but how cool is that?! You’ll learn Spanish, you’ll date a variety of men who are so different and interesting. I think it’ll give you some perspective [of what's like living in other Latin countries and experiencing a new culture] and at the very least, at the end of your stay (if you plan to leave that is. me? I’m buying an apt asap. I’ll never really leave), you’d have at least the experience of something new tried, a risk taken, and that you’re a ballsy woman and no one can get in our way of doing what you want, you’re adventurous ad confident.

As far as being far away from friends..my friends fly down here from NYC ALL THE TIME. They all love SoBe and the first chance they get, they’re down here. You might be a roommate for the first few months you live here ;)

Don’t worry so much. Worry about, years from now, when you think, “damn I should have done that!”.
Luv,
B+D

Today is the first time since work began that I feel out of it. I don’t know if it’s because my hours are insanely long and I’m starting to realize that I have time for absolutely nothing, or if it’s because I still want to do things I never got to do while on my sabbatical, like learning to surf, take dance classes, and traveling. It’s how it goes, if you have money you don’t have time, and if you have time, you don’t have money, well except for the millionaires out there.

Sure, I’ve missed my career and I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment, but I now miss my free time. Being able to ride my bike and go to the beach whenever I want, and even taking the pup to the park. Truthfully I feel a little guilty I don’t have as much time to spend with doggie. And here is another thing. Not having time also means zero time for a relationship. Sure I just got out of a tricky situation, but it doesn’t mean I’m throwing my hands up in the air in defeat. I still think about him of course, especially when those Latin songs come on the radio on my way to work. Office romance is a big no-no, and thankfully there isn’t anyone I would consider dating. There are a couple of eye-candies but that’s about it. Again, thankfully because I seem to be a magnet for men.

But tonight I’m a bit burned out. Maybe the 13 hours I put in today may have something to do with it. Resolving problems all day, in conjunction with doing mathematics for hours on end, is exhausting. Right, I remember now why I needed a long vacation. Or maybe I just need to get laid. A good lay that is, not some bullshit lay. For that I’d rather take care of business myself ;)

I wish I were going to Spain with my friend Matt who is going to visit a mutual friend who just moved to Barcelona. I’m so dang jealous. The last time I traveled out of the country was in the Summer of 2006 where I spent two glorious weeks visiting Munich, Venice, Florence, Cortona, Positano, and the island of Capri. The true motive for the trip was the World Cup where the ex and I got tickets for the Ivory Coast vs. Serbia Montenegro match. That trip was amazing, and a long long long time ago.

(Yawn) I’m so tired. Time for bed.

I’m in complete agreement with Feministe on the Sunday Sundae

I’m so disappointed, even though I knew this was a long shot. Chelsea tied 1-1 against Bolton, while the fervent Manchester United won their game 2-0 against Wigan. I was in pin and needles the whole game, and not having and nails to bite due to a self manicure last night, I resorted to biting my cuticles for the entire length of the game.

Chelsea lost captain John Terry in the 9th minute of the game with an injury stemming from a knee to the ribs that put the captain on his back, carried by the medics team from the field. But he was back proving nothing can stop this man from being with his team in time of difficulty. Manchester United scores in the 32nd minute of the game, yielding great roars from their fans at Waxy’s. They feel confident. Their team is way ahead of its game.

In the 39th minute, Ashley Cole gets a foot to the knee where the opponent gets a Yellow card. Chelsea holds 80% possession throughout the entire game and several attempts at goal, with Bolton refusing to give into the force coming at them from the blue players. It was a ping pong game. This is a disaster I think to myself, and several “Fuck!(s)” afterwards I realize how much I was saying the F word, holding my breath for a goal.

Half time passes and the teams return to the field. Within the first minute Chelsea attempt at goal by Malouda gets blocked by the goal keeper and the ball hits the post. Bolton does a good job at keeping the ball at bay from their goal, pretty much staying on the defense the entire game, which is smart knowing Chelsea’s hunger for scoring goals and winning games.

Drogba walks off the field limping in the 52nd minute due to an injury. This is very, very bad. Joe Cole, the new star, persists on passing the ball without thinking, too rushed, goes too long for most passing attempts. Finally at the 61st minute, Schevcheko scores a goal, getting Chelsea a 1-0 lead.

Cuticle biting increases, ManU is 1-0, Chelsea 1-0, cigarette smoking goes up, and my buzz has finally started to make it self apparent at my second Bloody Mary. I’m getting distracted by the footballers’ nice asses, but that’s neither here nor there. The cameras keep sweeping the screen to capture the reaction of new coach Avram Grant, who personally is just hideous to look at, and given today’s performance, makes me miss the days of Jose Mourinho.

In the 72nd minute, Joe Cole gets substituted by Obi Mikel and I think, “what has happened to our star?” I had been hoping for a stellar performance by Cole who has received the Chelsea Player of the Year award for 2008. In the 79th minute, ManU scores yet again with a goal by Giggs at which point I’ve moved onto screaming “Motherfucker” as I hear the game from the bathroom stall. Bolton didn’t let up, and tried to score only to be blocked by a beautiful save by Petr Cech. But ManU’s game belonged to Rooney-the animal, as I know call him. Wigan plays for their life, attempting to keep the fierce red team from the goal all the while trying to score.Bolton scores a goal in the 92nd minute against Chelsea, ending my dreams. What an upset. Manchester United goes to winning their 10th Premier League Title.

PS: I hate Cristiano Ronaldo of ManU. He’s such a cocky bastard, I am positive he’s got a tiny penis.

No worries though. May 21st, Chelsea goes against ManU for the Champions League Final in Moscow. Of course, I’ll be at work, but in any case, I still love this team, and look forward to future games. GOOOOO CHELSEA!

Today is the day that we find out whether Chelsea will move ahead and spring towards winning the Premier League Championship. Chelsea will play Bolton today and I have faith they will win, however the team’s arch rival Manchester United, who is number one in the league, plays against Wigan, a team who has won their past 5 games.

Because of the point differential, if ManU wins today they win the league. We need ManU to lose against Wigan, while Chelsea needs 3 goals to tie, and for every goal ManU scores, Chelsea will need another. These will be nail-bitting games, with both being played at the same time 10AM today, so that no one knows who won the league before their match.

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I became a fan is Chelsea through my ex-boyfriend and good friend who is so enamored with the team, I couldn’t help but loving them too. Sure, I know more about Brazilian football, and I’m a “Flamegista” being from Rio de Janeiro, but I love the sport so it’s natural for me to be a fan of other teams. In 2006, the ex and I took a trip to Germany for the World Cup and got tickets to the Serbia Montenegro vs. Ivory Coast match. Didier Drogba one of the best players in the Chelsea team, and one I was very much looking forward to watch do his magic live, was expelled from playing the match due to two yellow cards in the previous game. I was bummed, but the game was amazing, with Ivory Coast winning in the end.

Today’s matches will be tough. Wayne Rooney who apparently suffered a Hernia, will be back for today’s game against Wigan and he’s one to watch. But I have no doubt that Chelsea will win their game, though they validate Bolton’s strength and ability to position themselves with the best of the best.

For two hours in this Sunday morning, Irish pubs will be filled with adorning fans, wearing their team’s jersey, sipping on large amounts of beer, and stuffing their bellies with Traditional Irish Breakfast, filled with emotion and cheer, and I hoping Player of the Year, Joe Cole will turn it on and lead Chelsea to a high point score game. My favorite player and captain John Terry, who has been with the club since the age of 14, has become an adored player in the hearts of many due to his charisma and ability to lead his team. With incredible players such as Claude Makelele, Frank “Super Frank” Lampard, Joe Cole, Didier Drogba, Shaun Wright-Phill, John Terry, and goaley Petr Chch, I’m very excited to watch this team do what they do best, and play some mean football.

I’ll be at Waxy’s. See Ya!! GOOOOO CHELSEA!!!!!!!

My endless days of partying have finally come to a halt. I started work two weeks ago, and already I’m back to putting in 12 hours a day at the office, getting little sleep, and waking up early, really early. Not 5AM or anything, just much earlier than my usual 11AM wake up call. I used to wake up, sit around for hours writing, hang out, go to the park or the beach. Not anymore my friends. This girl is back in the game.

I’ve missed my career. I’ve missed the fast-paced, energy filled environment of Finance. Certainly the market is very different in South Florida from that of New York’s where you can hear the hoar coming from trading floors when MSNBC, CNN, or Bloomberg announces something big, phones incessantly ring, hold lights blink, and timing of execution is everything. The pace of a Private Wealth Management office down here is much calmer, there are scarce fires to be put out, nothing is done in a rush, and people have little sense of emergency.

The market in SoFla is polar opposite to that of the North East and the companies I’ve worked for in my career. Hedge Funds, where the company is so small, but grows so fast that you can’t keep up with the daily workload, budgets are maxed-out, and you barely have any time to pee, much less eat lunch, which you must do at your desk. In New York, you don’t go home if your daily work isn’t completed, you stay at the office until it’s done, be it 8PM or midnight. In one of my jobs where I was managing a team of six people in a Derivatives Operations department, I used to come in at 8, work until 7, go home, eat something, watch TV for an hour, then go right back to the office and work until 2AM. My motto was, “Never Leave For Tomorrow What You Can Do Today.” Brokerage Firms, where the sheer volume of transactions will put a wrench even into a well-oiled machine, where you have so much work to do, you think it will take an entire lifetime to complete. Being the issuers of new products and services, these firms must get creative in the game and deliver exciting new products such as Credit Default Swap Tranches, and customized portfolios of Collateralized Loan Obligations. The most problematical of products are difficult to capture in systems which haven’t been built to support them, and the process of confirmation, settlement, and documentation becomes extremely manual (thank you Microsoft Excel, for making our lives a little easier). This wonderful market in New York is full of life and power. Working for companies that are well known and have market presence, being in the game of high finance, comes with its price of long hours, but it also brings in big bucks at bonus time. You make great friends who are in the same wavelength, driven, with a desire to succeed. It’s a power career, aggressive, demanding and steadfast.

I knew that going into Finance in SoFla was going to be different. A calmer pace, 9 to 5, and I was guessing complete fluff compared to New York. In fact I was looking forward to it at the time. I had one of those jobs down here, but it wasn’t challenging enough, and the daily annoyances from unsophisticated investors screaming on the phone because their funds haven’t yet been transferred, to an outside bank mind you, when they sent instructions via fax no less, at 3:57PM when Fed Funds closes at 4, which I repeatedly told them, simply drove me nuts. This was worse than your run-of-the-mill bank. My job as a Sales Assistant was worse than that of a teller. At least at a checking and savings bank, if a client has a question, you know they’re not that sophisticated and you can have patience. These fools were supposed to know what they are talking about since they’re investing millions of dollars in it. I quickly realized that getting paid a quarter of my previous salary to deal with that type of bullshit wasn’t worth it, and that I would rather use my savings and live the life I came here for. So I went on sabbatical for 8 months.

I began looking for work again a week before the Bear Sterns news came out, and once that bomb hit Wall Street, companies stopped hiring and started firing. I even called my head hunter in New York but he had nothing. It used to be where I would be sitting at my desk and the phone would ring with interview offers. I was running out of money, but one fine day I get the call for an interview. On the third round, they offered me the job on the spot and we negotiated my salary. A week and a half later I had my first day. They had vehemently told me during the interviews that this job is not fluff, that there was a lot of work to do so we could catch up to trade date workflow operations, and that it was going to take some long hours, patience and a lot of dedication. After nearly a year away, I felt ready. I was relaxed, I had a chance to party like a rock star, enjoy my new beach, make new friends, and settle into my new life. I’ve completed my second week, and am right back into the swing of things. My brain has been calibrated. I’m learning a ton about this business in particular, getting trained in new systems, and I’m getting things done. I feel good, and though I’m working insane hours (for Miami), I’m loving driving my new car, wearing suits again, and feeling accomplished. This is good. This is very good.

I woke up this morning, and in the first moment of consciousness began sobbing. It all started coming back to me, last night’s conversation and consequent goodbye. I knew this day would come, but I was certainly not prepared for it. It hit me like a ton of bricks, all at once and with vigor; my Argentine is gone for good.

As I laid on my bed, my head spinning recalling all the memories, and the realization that I’ll never lay my eyes on his beautiful face, never feel the strength of his arms holding me tight, never again experience the joy his laughter brings to my heart, rompe mi corazon. The song Mariposa Tracionera keeps playing in my head, reminding me of the things I’ve done or failed to do, largely contributing to my own heart break. I can only blame myself, either for not communicating my thoughts and feelings well enough, for being selfish and never able to put his needs ahead of my own, for not taking a chance and opening my heart to him. It’s the usual deal, the way I cope to keep at bay heartache and disappointment.

It all started last year, shortly after I moved down here in the Summertime. I was at the park with my dog and he came zipping pass me on his skateboard. Something came over me when I saw him, I felt a jolt and froze. He was on the phone, and smiled as he passed by me, turned for a second look, and keep going. I stared as he passed, watching where he was going, he crossed Meridian, passed my building, and I lost sight of him. I thought to myself “Go after him! Don’t let him go.” Too late, he was already gone. Being the hopeless romantic I am I thought, “If it’s meant to be our paths will cross again”. I proceeded to head home and just as I’m about to go into my building I see him outside of the building next door chatting with some guys. I thought to myself “I cannot let this opportunity go, this is a sign”, so I passed my building and started walking East on 13th, and as I passed the group, he smiled and said Hello. I immediately stopped smiled, said Hi and started conversation. He was wearing the Argentina football jersey so I asked if he was going to watch the match that day versus Brazil. We agreed to meet at the Playwright in a couple of hours, I turned around and went home. It was so obvious that I had passed by only to speak to him since home was the other way but I didn’t care. All I knew was that I had some sort of pseudo date and that I was very excited. I put on my Brazil jersey, and went to meet him at the bar. It was packed, he saw me and called me over to his table filled with his friends who were all sizing me up, clearly letting me know that he had already talked about me to his buddies. We were instantly enamored with one another, he held me in front of him so I wouldn’t get bumped by the crowd and ensured I could see the screen. To be honest I was more interested in talking to him than watching the match. Brazil ended up winning, and so did I. We were inseparable from that day on.

Inseparable until it all came crashing down and we started arguing, fighting, and four months later it was over. However as we share a fervent magnetism for one another, we were never able to stay apart too long which is why this sick game is/was still going until last night. In retrospect I now realize that I fell into my usual insecurities and without knowing at the time, sabotaging the relationship. I’ve always felt very strongly that I must take care of myself as no one else will, so I’m always very careful not to give too much, to keep barriers up, and keep my cool, independence self in check. It’s the only way I know how to cope, but it’s a double edged sword since it both keeps me feeling safe in my little cocoon, protected by the outside world of hurt and pain, but it also keeps me so shielded from others and to the possibilities of experiencing true and unequivocal love.

A few months back, he and I sat to talk about us, our problems and possible solutions, and this much younger than I man opened my eyes to something I refused to acknowledge until now. He said I’m dishonest, implying that I cheated and lied, and that if I didn’t change I would end up alone for the rest of my life but that he thought it was what I wanted. He said if I really loved him, that I would want to be with him, and only him, and that he wanted to be with me but wasn’t sure he could unless I changed my ways. It was a moment of undeniable awareness and he was right. I did lied, I did cheat, I didn’t put in the effort. I am used to things the way I want it, how I want, when I want it. And unlike the caterpillar which only lives in the Pupa during its period of growth and leaves her cocoon after it has completed its transformation into a butterfly, I never finished growing into a fearless woman able to give and receive love from others and thus still living inside my so-called protective shelter.

I can’t change what I’ve done in the past. I can only recognize my faults, try to work on them and move forward. Last night I tried to explain this viewpoint to him, but changes don’t happen overnight. It’s just all too late. As in all relationships, suffering and pain doesn’t get forgotten only forgiven. Such memories never die, and keeping them at bay for the sake of a new beginning is hard work and takes true dedication and love for two people to move past the disappointments and anguish created in the past. Last night we decided to let each other go. I told him I wish him all the best, that I hope all his wishes come true, and that he lives a life filled with happiness and love. It kills me to think about him being with another woman as I do love him, and always will. But it’s the best for him and he deserves to be with someone who will be true to him and give him all the love he ought to have. They say if you love someone enough you will let them go, and if they come back to you then it’s meant to be. I will forever think fondly of our time together, and I am thankful that even in the midst of all this sorrow, at the very least I’ve learned something really important about myself and am now conscious of the changes I need to make. And if I am lucky enough to meet someone great in the future I will remember all of this and not do it again.

Adios mi amor…

A lot has been going on lately, so I needed my usual mode of relaxation – a day at the beach. I arrived late, around 3ish on 9th Street to check out the Beach Ball Festival. I walked around to get a feel for it, and it was alright. But I really couldn’t wait to get onto the sand, go for a dip in the ocean, lay out and relax.

There was a creepy guy sitting on a chair fairly close to me. Balding, with mirror shades, he appeared to be pretending to read a James Patterson novel and listening to his IPod. I say ‘pretending’ because he kept looking around. I love James Patterson, (my favorite book is Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas), and how strange that this guy can’t keep his eyes on the book. I suppose it may not be his style writing. Maybe the book was given to him by someone as a gift. I digress.

I was trying to read the newspaper, and I finished a couple of sections then put it away. I tried listening to music. I was feeling blue but couldn’t think of one artist I wanted to listen to. The Cure or Sarah McLachlan could make me more blue, and upbeat music wasn’t swaying my bad mood.

I laid down, trying to get comfortable and forget the many thoughts in my head to no avail. I started to pack up along with picking up my trash and, as I crossed the site where weird dude was sitting I found this!
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I couldn’t believe it I had to get a picture. One or two butts I might be able to understand. But 10 butts? Cmon! I wish I had seen it before he left because I would have handed him a bag and told him to pick that shit up.

You know, I usually complain about the tourists littering, but locals aren’t any better. Clearly this guy has no manners, and his own house must be a pigsty, so how can I expect him to care for public places? I’m just mad at myself for not having seen it before it was too late. Already being in a foul mood, he got lucky because the outburst of my rage wasn’t going to be pretty.

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